The Villains of Video Conferencing – Molte Forte

Kevin Buechler

by Kevin Buechler, Program Manager for Sales Enablement, LifeSize

No amount of audio control can prepare you for the aural assault of the abominable Molte Forte. Hop on a video conferencing with this dastardly degenerate and your ear drums will never be the same.

A volcanic eruption has got nothin’ on Molte Forte (Photo Courtesy of Wikipedia)

A rock concert with an ear-bleeding, guitar shredding solo? Nothing. Space shuttle launch? Child’s play. Volcanic eruption? You have got to be kidding me. Molte Forte is emits sounds of mind boggling proportions. With him, voluminous volume fills every conversation. The more you try and turn down the treble, the bass increases.  You will beg for a phone that does not have surround sound sixteen-microphone technology and pine for the days of spider phones and triangular sound systems that offered havens of dead spots and poor audio.

Unfortunately, the high definition LifeSize® MicPod™ can only do so much to protect video callers from the deafening invasion of sound. The LifeSize MicPod offers users a lifelike, high-definition calling experience by providing echo cancellation and automatic noise reduction. Even with Molte Forte’s roaring, booming voice, you can be protected by the horrible echoes and background noises that often accompany him wherever he goes. For immediate relief, the LifeSize MicPod offers a blissful escape – the mute button.

Molte Forte (Illustration by Courtney Lubke)

To defeat the villain himself, one needs superior intellect and a trifecta of trickery:

  1. Send him boxes of salt water taffy, bubble gum- any food that will seal his chasm of a mouth.
  2. Begin rattling off a second-by-second account of April 11, 1954, the “most boring day in history”, according to a Cambridge scientist and his calculations. This should surely lull Molte Forte into a deep slumber.
  3. Start instituting “Charades Mondays”- and Tuesdays, and Wednesdays…

Best of luck, my video conferencing compadres. Tune in next time when we’ll discuss the nefarious Baron Sozial Nicht Gewahr.

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